Bravo · Reality TV · RHOC

“We have a mutual friend…who does our face” #RHOC Recap

Ah, the Real Housewives of Orange County. Words cannot express how happy I am to have the OG back on my TV. Queen Vicki Gunvalson. Orange County was not only the first franchise, but it’s debatably the most entertaining. There is nothing that brings me more joy then reruns of early OC seasons, family van debacles and Jeana Keough sightings. I thank God every day for RHOC.

**Drinking game alert – drink every time the word “casserole” is said**

Super excited for Meghan King Edmonds, but super not into the needle scenes. Didn’t we go through enough last season of #RHOBH watching Yolanda’s medical procedures?? I can’t handle needles and I can’t do this again. Kudo’s to you and your IVF but please don’t show another fucking needle on my TV.
 
Vicki has officially arrived in her favorite city – Oklahoma City. Vicki Gunvalson alone is enough to make my day but her hatred for this city literally fuels me. Never one to shy away from speaking the truth about her feelings. We get an amazing flashback of Briana’s elopement. I don’t know how I missed this when it first aired but holy fucking shit – Briana got married at a DRIVE THRU WEDDING CHAPEL?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? THIS IS AN UNREAL FACT I WAS NOT AWARE OF. I had to pause my TV and think for a moment about the incredible Bravo-Filmed (funded) wedding that Vicki would have thrown. I have always been a fan of Briana but after these images in my mind I’m not sure if I can forgive her for robbing us of this. The speech(es) Vicki would have made, the dress Vicki would have worn, everything would have been unfucking real. Anyone else want to start a petition to have a 5 year anniversary vow ceremony?? PLZ PLZ PLZ.
 
After finishing up my fantasies about a Vicki Gunvalson planned wedding my thoughts trickled into another dream of mine. A 19 hour road trip with Vicki Gunvalson. I hope Briana and her children realize how blessed they are to be trapped in a car for 19+ hours with this women. Again Vicki delivers… “There’s nothing out here. Where do people go to Nordstrom??” 100% our thoughts Vicki. A land without Nordstrom is not a land we want to be a part of. Thankful you all made it out alive, safe and with your keen fashion sense still in tack.

Moment of silence for Vicki having her poor grandson literally shit on the side of the road. She clearly was watching #RHOD and took a page from LeeAnne’s book. LYLAS.

I have no idea what they are giving Shannon Beador this season, but please don’t stop. Her fucking one liners in her DR clips are legit unreal. “Bikinis? I’m thinking more a MuMu”. Good to know Shannon Beador also isn’t prepared for beach season.

Something about her whole family this season is pleasing me and I’m excited to watch more. They’re creeping up on my favorite Bravo families list… Also super excited to see how these girls turn out in life. The eldest needs a serious make up lesson however…PS. Can we cast Shannon’s hot relator in one of Bravos’ real estate shows??? Hoping/Praying/Begging for more of him this season.

As previously stated, I’m always very skeptical of new Housewives. Kelly gives off a bit of a Constance Zimmer vibe to me – not sure if she’s as ballsy as Constance in #UnREAL or Entourage, or if it’s just her overall look, but this chick reminds me of someone and I cannot put my finger on it.

My favorite part of Kelly is that alcohol is legit her answer to everything. Tequila shots are the cure to just about anything – including a sore throat! Interesting move however hosting a beach party for the girls… a location where alcohol is not involved?? Shocked this many of them showed up TBH. Also interesting move quoting Jen Bunny ala season 2 Laguna Beach… “What comes before part b?” Apparently unoriginality in the OC.

Kelly reminds me too much of the drunkest girl at the party who keeps putting her foot in her mouth. I keep expecting her to tap it back but fortunately for our enjoyment she has yet to reach that point. Poor Shannon is just getting over her husband cheating on her, and Kelly makes a damn joke about the kiss he gives her upon arriving at her beach party. (I related to making insensitive comments like this more than I’d like to admit.

Vicki is legit the only person who could go through what she did and then blame other people for not being there for her. Blaming the other girls on trying to bring Brooks down? What the fuck Vicki? Did they force him to fake cancer? I have a feeling Vicki is going to do little to no apologizing this season, we are going to get little to no answers and yet my undeniable love for Vicki is going to go absolutely fucking no where. 

My final thoughts – I sincerely hope someone has gotten Vicki her poor casserole, and if not, I will personally hand deliver her one. 

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